My Quiet Book

A common thing you will see at church is a "Quiet Book." Parents keep these books stashed in their diaper bags to pull out when children are starting to lose interest in sitting quietly and listening. There are a variety of different types of quiet books. Many include pictures of Jesus, scripture stories, letters, numbers, etc. The goal of the quiet book is to help a child stay reverent by keeping them appropriately entertained.

I recently started to make myself a quiet book. My quiet book has a slightly different goal, though. My quiet book is made to help me in those moments when I find myself losing hope. It is for those moments when the fog of anxiety and depression becomes so thick that I start to forget how good life is.

In my quiet book, there are a variety of scriptures, quotes, song lyrics, etc. that each have a special place in my heart. I enjoy typing up these words and try to make them look beautiful with pictures and colors. When I read and add to my quiet book, I feel God's love for me and I am reminded that my anxiety and depression are not in control.

One of the pages in my quiet book.

Dear Blog

Dear Blog,

I want to say...I'm sorry! I have been neglecting you. I promise I haven't forgotten about you. I still visit so very often, I just haven't posted for a while. I have been a little bit overwhelmed by work and such the last few months. I know that if I start feeling anxious that I need to post, that it is a bit counter productive, and you don't want that. This is why I haven't posted for a little while. I am still here and there will be many more posts very soon.

Your friend,
Chelsea

PS- Have you met my sister's blog? I have a feeling you guys will be very good friends. http://www.muchmorepreciousthangold.com/

Felt Love

I Know There's Hope

“Things Are Gonna Get Better”

David Archuleta

Everybody’s got a time in their life

When everything hurts and nothing’s right.

But you gotta walk on, yeah you gotta walk on.

Everybody’s got a piece of their heart

That’s been stepped on and torn apart.

But you gotta be strong, yeah you gotta walk on.

‘Cause I know, it’s hard to have the strength and,

Sometimes all you feel is pain, but,

Things keep floating by on that river in the night.

But I know things are gonna get better,

And I know things are gonna be fine.

And I know Life is gonna get better,

Life is gonna get better, yeah we’re gonna be fine.

Everybody’s got that one regret, no matter how they try, they can’t forget.

But you gotta move on, yeah you gotta move on.

And everybody’s got someone they lost,

And they can’t believe they’re really gone.

But you gotta live on, yeah you gotta live on.

‘Cause I know, it’s hard to have the strength and,

Sometimes, all you feel is pain, but,

Things keep floating by on that river in the night.

But I know things are gonna get better,

And I know things are gonna be fine.

And I know Life is gonna get better,

Life is gonna get better, yeah we’re gonna be fine.

And I know there’s hope.

I see it in your eyes.

So take me, touch me.

‘Cause with a little bit of love we can see the light.

With a little bit of love it’ll be alright.

I know things are gonna get better.

And I know things are gonna be fine.

And I know Life is gonna get better,

Life is gonna get better, yeah we’re gonna be fine.

               I remember when I was first starting College. One of my best friends, Erin, and I would carpool to school together. I was going through some difficult things with my anxiety and depression, and she was going through a whirlwind of trials. She was telling me about some of the things she was struggling with and without realizing it, I started humming this song. She then said, “Why are you humming THAT song!?” We shared a good laugh. I remember thinking about Erin’s trials and sincerely hoping things would get better for her. Even though life isn’t perfect (and it is REALLY hard sometimes), it certainly has “gotten better” for both Erin and I since that time. 



PS- Check out my sister's brand new blog about her journey with depression here.

Life is Still Very Good

THE BAD NEWS: To be honest, my anxiety has kicked up big time lately. When it has been mild for a while and then comes back in full swing, it is scary. It reminds me how powerful anxiety can be. I know it is getting difficult when I start to feel "outside of myself." I get so wrapped up in my mind, that I forget to live in the present.

THE GOOD NEWS: I know it is temporary. I know God and my family love me. I know that even though sometimes it feel like the world is collapsing around me, it isn't.

If you find yourself feeling very anxious or depressed, don't try to figure it out yourself. Talk to someone you trust: a church leader, family member, friend, doctor, etc. Someone who can help you and remind you that life is still very good.

Half Marathon to Boot

I've been struggling about how to write this post. I've known that I wanted to write a post about my half marathon experience, but I wasn't quite sure how to go about it. So, I decided to be honest and a bit raw. Here we go...

So, I ran a Half Marathon. YES! Jordan snapped this classy pic right after I crossed the finish line. I just got finished saying, "I am NEVER doing that again."

WHY I said that:
My knees started hurting at about mile 6...and I got a head ache. I contemplated crying mile 12, and I never hit that "runner's high" everyone always talks about.  

WHY I'm still glad I did it:
When I first started running this Spring, a half marathon seemed completely impossible. Crossing that finish line was a major victory that my anxiety could have kept me from accomplishing. I know I am experiencing a lot of anxiety when I start saying I can't do something. Running was one of the first things my anxious mind would like to cross off. (I can't run tomorrow!!) Even though I experience anxiety daily, I trained for and ran a half marathon!!

It was also fun to train and run with Jordan. He finished a while before me, but I still knew he was there. While I was running, I would think of how he had run by that same place just a little while before me. It was fun for us to work towards a common goal. (My awesome aunt and uncle also ran with us!)

WHY I haven't run since:

Guess who got a stress fracture from her half marathon? I have to wear a boot for 4 weeks. You guessed it. Running helped me. It helped me with my anxiety. It also gave me confidence. Obviously, this half marathon caused me to give myself a bit of an injury. That isn't good. I don't know if running is my personal fitness path, but I really enjoy being active. I hope to find some other things (maybe running will be included, just not the main source) to help me stay active. I am a firm believer that being active and exercising can help with anxiety and depression! (Any suggestions on how to live a healthy, active lifestyle? I would love to hear it!)

Anxiety & Depression: Girls Camp Challenge Course

I recently returned from Girls Camp. (Girls Camp is where LDS girls ages 12-18 go with their church leaders camping. There are fun things, spiritual experiences, etc. This was my first time going to Girl's Camp as a leader.)

One of the activities we did at Girls Camp was a Challenge Course. It consisted of climbing a rope ladder about 30-40 feet up, walking across a rickety bridge, and then zip lining to the ground again. While doing this, you are wearing a harness and helmet. There were couple missionaries who helped the girls through the entire course. It was 100% safe. If a girl were to lose her balance and fall, she would fall about 1 inch before she was caught. When girls would get nervous or scared, we would reassure them. "You aren't going to get hurt." "They have you." "If you fall, they will catch you." "You are in no danger."

Even though we reassured the girls, there were still some who struggled. When I did the course myself, I had to continue to tell myself that I could not fall. They had me. I was completely secure...Even though I KNEW this, it was still so scary! It took a lot of faith and trust to get through that course! I "randomly" found this quote a few hours after doing the challenge course. Right when I read it, it reminded me of the course I had completed and watched others complete just a few hours earlier.  

"The Savior said, 'Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you...Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid' (John 14:27). I submit to you, that may be one of the Savior's commandments that is, even in the hearts of otherwise faithful Latter-day Saints, almost universally disobeyed; and yet I wonder whether our resistance to this invitation could be any more grievous to the Lord's merciful heart. I can tell you this as a parent: as concerned as I would be if somewhere in their lives one of my children were seriously troubled or unhappy or disobedient, nevertheless I would be infinitely more devastated if I felt that at such a time that child could not trust me to help or thought his or her interest was unimportant to me or unsafe in my care. In that same spirit, I am convinced that none of us can appreciate how deeply it wounds the loving heart of the Savior of the world when He finds that His people do not feel confident in His care of secure in His hands or trust in His commandments" -Jeffrey R. Holland ("Come Unto Me," Ensign, Apr. 1998, 19).

The missionaries running the course reassured us several times that the course was completely safe. When I was on the route, I had to decide if I was going to trust them, the others I had seen safely (and securely) cross the course, and others assuring me OR if I was going to believe the pounding fear in my mind. I had to choose faith over fear.

There was one point when I was on the course when I felt like I wasn't very secure. It was when I was crossing the rickety bridge high off the ground. I started to walk across, and it felt like I could easily fall. I had to remind myself that the missionaries were at the bottom holding that rope that was attached to me. Even though I couldn't feel the tension at that moment, they were watching me and would catch me instantly if I fell.

The missionaries go to a great extent to ensure the safety of all those using the course. I would assume that when people (like myself) are choosing to listen to their fears, the missionaries may feel a little frustrated. Their top priority is safety, and at times we choose to believe that we are going to get hurt on the course.

Like the quote above says, we are told in the scriptures over and over again not to fear. God is watching over us. Sometimes we might think He isn't there or that He doesn't care about us. But, just like the missionaries helping me through the course, God is always there even thought I may not always feel or think He is.

Sometimes, I allow my anxiety and depression to overcome my faith. Similar to when I couldn't feel the tension in the rope, I allow myself to think that God isn't there or that He doesn't care. This couldn't be further from the truth. He is always there, He is holding the rope to keep me (and you!) from falling.