Anxiety and Depression: A Note to Loved Ones...

If you have anxiety and/or depression and you are reading this blog, I hope you feel like you can connect, in some way, to my experiences and the experiences of others shared here. If you are reading and you haven't experienced the feelings and thoughts that anxiety and depression bring...you might be a little confused, skeptical, worried, afraid etc. That is okay. Until I experienced it for myself, I was extremely confused. I didn't understand why my loved ones were struggling. Why couldn't they just "get over it?"

Here are just a few thoughts for those who may not experience anxiety and depression, but have loved ones who do.

This is a start, but I would love to write more posts on this subject.

If you have anxiety/depression, what support do you need from a loved one? Or, what do you hope they will try to understand?

If you are a loved one to someone with anxiety/depression, how do you make an effort to love them?

It Has a Name

I remember where I was sitting when I gave the things that were happening inside my head a name.

We often think that things only happen to other people. That is what I thought about anxiety and depression. Other people have that...I don't. I had a wonderful life, a loving family, a great boyfriend (now my husband), a solid spiritual foundation, a job I enjoyed, and supportive friends. Why would I have depression? It didn't make sense.

I was sitting in my 1995 Toyota Corolla. I was sobbing. For some strange reason, I thought my world was falling apart. I felt like I was in a fog that I couldn't get out of. I was talking to Jordan on the phone, and I finally gave it a name. I said something along the lines of:

"It's like my mind is sick. It's like something isn't working correctly. It's like...depression."

I think I had thought it in my head before, but I had never said it out loud. It's incredible what can happen when you realize that is what it is. I am not broken, my mind is just struggling. I am not crazy, my brain is just out of balance. I will not be like this forever, I can get through it.

It still helps me to get through. Sometimes I still start to believe that I am crazy. I start to believe I can't get out of the fog. With the help of God and others, I always do. When I am able to remember that depression is something I sometimes have, it isn't who I am, I feel so much hope.

God loves us, and life is good!

Don't Forget About Me

This week was good, but also had anxiety sneaking in on the edges. A few evenings ago, I got upset about something my husband, Jordan, said. I knew he had in no way meant to upset me or hurt my feelings, and I didn't know how to handle the situation. My brain became cloudy, the cloud that takes sense away from my head and tells me I am not worth much. He could see that I was upset and that I wasn't able to talk about it for the moment. He had to leave for work, (about a dozen or so times a year he works a night job) so he kissed me and told me he loved me.
After he left, I fell apart. I cried and cried. I felt frustrated that I couldn't control my emotions better, upset that I was so flustered by such a small thing, and felt my self-esteem, confidence, and hope sink to the floor. I prayed that the Lord could send me some comfort and cried a little more. Then I had an idea to write Jordan a letter. It made sense, so I poured out my soul on one and a half sheets of college ruled paper. I told him what had upset me and why. I explained some of what was going on in my head and why I was unable to talk about it when he had left. I expressed my love for him. When I finished writing the letter, I felt so much better. It cleared my head. I was grateful I could put my emotions on paper and find a way to help Jordan understand me a little bit better.
Soon after I finished the letter, I received a text from him that said, "Don't forget about me while I am gone!" When he got home I was so happy to see him and he read my letter. We were able to talk about it and get everything resolved. Even though I had gone through a slight panic attack, I was so proud that, with some help from above, I was able to pull through it and get back on my feet. I am grateful for my Jordan and his patience with me and my anxiety.

New Job

Holy Hannah. Today was my first official day at my new job. I've been excited, but also very anxious about it. This morning I woke up and could feel the anxiety in my legs. I just kept breathing and told myself I was going to be fine. Jordan prayed last night that I would do well at my new job and be able to be myself. When he left for work this morning I almost wanted to start crying, but I got into my car and drove to work. When I got there, everything went really well. There were a few times I had to tell myself, "Just breathe, you're fine," but overall, it was a very successful day. I am grateful for the new people I get to work with and the new experiences I will have. Tomorrow is day two, and I think it will be a good day!

Crying

"It's better to cry than to be angry, because anger hurts others while tears flow silently through the soul and cleanse the heart." -Pope John Paul II

As I have read through many quotes on tears, there seem to be differing opinions on them. Some feel tears are a sign of weakness or something to be ashamed of. I don't see them this way. To me, tears have brought me relief, strength and compassion. I used to feel guilty when I cried like I was being ungrateful for my blessings. Then I realized that the right kind of tears can help me to release the built-up stress my anxiety can bring. Similar to chocolate, too much crying can be bad, too little can leave you feeling upset, and just the right amount can help you feel better.

"We need never be ashamed of our tears." -Charles Dickens