New Year!! (27 days in is still new, right?)

Right around January 2nd, I decided to write down some New Year's Resolutions. I wanted to have them posted somewhere where I wouldn't forget about them in 2 weeks time, so I have them hanging up in our room. Here's the run-down:

RESOLUTION: Visit the temple 10x: LDS temples are beautiful places. As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we are encouraged to attend as often as possible. This could be a different number for every person. I personally have a goal to attend the temple with Jordan 10 times this year. It is a place I feel peace and hope. It is a place my anxiety cannot thrive. It is where I learn to come closer to our Savior.

RESOLUTION: Become more flexible. I've never been particularly flexible. I realize I'm not going to become a tumbling master, but I want to become more comfortable in my movements. It is also good exercise!

RESOLUTION: Decorate Family room to where I LOVE it. This goal started because we recently painted a wall bright blue in our house. Our walls were mainly brown and tan, a pretty brown and tan, but I really wanted to brighten the rooms up (I need happy colors!). After painting the blue wall, it was obvious some other things needed to be painted and changed, hence...the resolution.

RESOLUTION: Pay off student loans. Fairly self explanatory. We want to have as little debt as possible. That is definitely a struggle, but we are working on it! Money is a source of anxiety that is hard to live with sometimes, slowly getting rid of debt is a way to help with that.

RESOLUTION: Have a good attitude about Celiac disease. I worded this resolution carefully. I didn't want it to be, "Never complain about Celiac." Why? Because for me right now, that isn't realistic. I still want to be real about my struggle. I don't want to act like it isn't hard for me to not eat donuts, (it's rough, especially when they have sprinkles!) but on the flip side, I also don't want to be someone that people don't like to be around because I complain all the time. I want to be real, but also positive. To hear about a moment when I realized how grateful I am for my disease, click here.

RESOLUTION: Perform in a public place. So, I'm a little silly. Whenever I watch a play or see people perform, internally I am saying, "I want to do that!" I imagine myself in character, what I would do, the facial expressions I would have...I have a passion for the stage and performing, but I don't have many chances to fulfill that. I made a goal to perform somewhere, whether it's church, somewhere in the community, or somewhere else. Singing is the thing I love the most, but I would love to do any sort of performance, call me silly, but I love performing!

RESOLUTION: Graduate! Do I need to say more? I can't wait for April!
It is my hope that I can write a blog post in a year and say I did all these things. Who knows, but I can dream!

PS, I'm excited to write a post about my new job!

School

"I don't think I can do this Jordy"

This is the text I sent to my husband on the second day of my new job. I started my new job and on the second day I was ready to be done. This job involves working with some junior high students who have been placed into a program I am in charge of. This program will either help them to transfer back into school with their peers or to an alternative placement. There are a variety of reasons they may be placed in the program. It suffices me to say they weren't in class ready to learn so the privilege of being a part of the regular school day has been taken away from them for a time. 

The second day of school was a bit rough. I figured I wasn't going to be able to do any good. I felt terrible. After I let them out for a five minute break, I went into the bathroom and cried. 

My anxiety was taking over. I was convinced I couldn't do it. I never wanted to step into that room again. 

I finished the day and cried as I drove home (wearing sunglasses so those in the cars around me couldn't see). 

I got home and laid down on the couch. I called Jordan.

Jordan was sweet like he always is.

I decided I needed to go see Karin.

I talked with Karin and cleared my head a bit.

I went home.

Jordan came home.

We talked.

We went and visited my family.

My mom and sister helped me.

My mom suggested reading books to the students.

I felt stronger.

I felt a desire to be a positive influence in the students' lives.

I prayed.
I went to work the next day.

With some help, it went very well.

Now, I would cry if I had to leave this job. I love the kids. Holy cow. I love spending time with them. 

I love being their teacher. I love making them laugh or think I'm a little weird. I love it when they make me laugh.

I love reading to them. We have read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (I told you I was on a Harry Potter kick). I am now reading them "Gifted Hands."

I love when I can connect with them on something. I love getting to know them.

There are still difficult times. Sometimes they think it isn't very fun to do what I ask them to. Sometimes I think they are going to drive me absolutely up the wall, but I care about them so much.

I am so grateful for the opportunity I have to work with these kids. They mean a lot to me. 

Who knows what tomorrow will be like, but I know it will be an adventure.

Remembering to Not Freak Out

I started training for a new job last Wednesday at a Pest Control Company. It has been a really good experience and I have met some of the nicest people. Each day, I've had a moment when I feel like I can't do it. I am learning a TON of new information, and sometimes it feels like my brain is going to explode. I start to convince myself that I can't do it and I never will be able to. Watching my co-workers who have been there for a long time, it can get discouraging. They are so good at what they do!
While it has been difficult and there have been a few times I have wanted to run home (literally, it's really close to my house), I am so grateful for this experience. My new co-workers are very kind people and I am glad I know them. They are very patient with me as I am in this learning stage. I am making progress (even if it's slow) and they are so encouraging.
The other amazing thing is how perfectly this job is fitting in with my schedule and how flexible they are to work with me. I have quite a bit on my plate right now with home, work, and school responsibilities. Even though it is new and sometimes scary, I find it exciting. I can't wait to improve. I continue to remind myself not to freak out.

FYI: The LDS General Conference is this weekend. It's seriously one of my favorite times of the year. For more information click here.