School

"I don't think I can do this Jordy"

This is the text I sent to my husband on the second day of my new job. I started my new job and on the second day I was ready to be done. This job involves working with some junior high students who have been placed into a program I am in charge of. This program will either help them to transfer back into school with their peers or to an alternative placement. There are a variety of reasons they may be placed in the program. It suffices me to say they weren't in class ready to learn so the privilege of being a part of the regular school day has been taken away from them for a time. 

The second day of school was a bit rough. I figured I wasn't going to be able to do any good. I felt terrible. After I let them out for a five minute break, I went into the bathroom and cried. 

My anxiety was taking over. I was convinced I couldn't do it. I never wanted to step into that room again. 

I finished the day and cried as I drove home (wearing sunglasses so those in the cars around me couldn't see). 

I got home and laid down on the couch. I called Jordan.

Jordan was sweet like he always is.

I decided I needed to go see Karin.

I talked with Karin and cleared my head a bit.

I went home.

Jordan came home.

We talked.

We went and visited my family.

My mom and sister helped me.

My mom suggested reading books to the students.

I felt stronger.

I felt a desire to be a positive influence in the students' lives.

I prayed.
I went to work the next day.

With some help, it went very well.

Now, I would cry if I had to leave this job. I love the kids. Holy cow. I love spending time with them. 

I love being their teacher. I love making them laugh or think I'm a little weird. I love it when they make me laugh.

I love reading to them. We have read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (I told you I was on a Harry Potter kick). I am now reading them "Gifted Hands."

I love when I can connect with them on something. I love getting to know them.

There are still difficult times. Sometimes they think it isn't very fun to do what I ask them to. Sometimes I think they are going to drive me absolutely up the wall, but I care about them so much.

I am so grateful for the opportunity I have to work with these kids. They mean a lot to me. 

Who knows what tomorrow will be like, but I know it will be an adventure.