Harry Potter and Anxiety

I've recently been on a Harry Potter kick. I love the books, I've been reading the first one to the students I work with, and we have borrowed many of the movies from Jordan's mom. I love the good vs. evil theme and the strong friendships displayed between Harry, Ron, and Hermione.
When we were watching the third movie, "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban," there was a part that reminded me of how it feels to have anxiety and depression. Harry, Hermione, and Ron are on the Hogwarts express headed to start the school year. A strange creature gets on the train and comes into their compartment. It brings darkness wherever it goes and brings sadness and despair with it. Harry seems to be in some sort of trance which a stranger in their compartment uses his wand to send the creature away. (you soon find out the stranger is the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Lupin). Harry ends up passing out, waking up a few minutes later. Professor Lupin explains that the creature was a dementor. The dark creatures that guard the wizard jail, Azkaban. Harry then asks his friends:

"Did either of you two, you know, pass out?"

Ron responds:

"No, I felt weird though, like I would never be cheerful again."

This hit right home for me. When I am deep in anxiety and depression, it seems like I can never be cheerful again. Ron has a great family, wonderful friends, a great education, etc. but the dementor made him feel like he would never feel happy again. The same happens to me at times. I have an amazing husband and family, friends who I adore, a good job and education, and I belong to a religion that means everything to me. How can I get so down sometimes? The truth is we're human. At times I succumb to the awful and gripping feelings of depression. The good part? Just like Ron does feel cheerful again, I always do. Like the dementor went away, depression and anxiety don't stay forever. Prayer and love get me back. I know that no matter how far down we go, we can always be cheerful again.

The Job I Hate...to leave.

This summer I have been working at a local pest control company. Kind of random, right? When I first started, I was a bit overwhelmed (read about it here). Since I've gotten used to answering phones, giving price quotes, and sounding pleasant even when sometimes customers are not, I have grown to love this job. The main reason is because of the people. The girls I work with are wonderful! They are a bit crazy, hilarious, and personable.

They make a job involving things like this...

Extremely enjoyable! (Yes, that is my hand next to that BUG. Don't worry, it took me almost throwing up and about 3 days before I was able to get that close.)

I feel like I have to blog some of my memories because this job helped me so much. I have a hard time getting up in the morning, especially with my anxiety. Most mornings I wake up with anxiety running through my body. With this job, I always knew I was going somewhere I sincerely enjoyed and somewhere I was being productive. I knew I would get to be with people I love being around. It made getting up that much easier.

Just a few memories:

• When Jolyn bought us all fuzzy posters to color while we were leaving messages for customers. We kept consulting each other about which color was the best for particular spots on the poster. It was intense if I say so myself. 
  

• When I accidentally put two customers on a phone call together without an employee…awkward. 
• My name was Melissa for customers since there are two Chelsea’s in the office. I got called Chelsea, Melissa, Chelsea-Melissa and Chel-Mel. 
• Kendra would bring me gluten-free goodies. Cookie dough, cookies, muddy buddies, etc. Tamesa brought me GF Oreos, Carla brought me a coupon for the local Gluten Free store, Jolyn brought me a Costa Vida coupon. 
• A glare from across the room from Stacie means you need to check your hand to see if you are clicking a pen or marker. 
• Cheltsie always so willing to answer all my ridiculous questions. 
• Brandy staying late to talk to me and Kendra while we worked. 
• I learned from Tamesa that preventative is technically not a word. It’s preventive! 
• One day Audrey asked me to tell her about myself. I believe she said something like, “What makes Chelsea, Chelsea?” 
• We had an amazing Crepe party 
• One word: Snapchat. 
• Getting to know the newest girls: Haley and Shawneen. 
• Clocking out so Jill could give me a haircut. 
• Sweat pants are required attire when you work on Saturday. 
• I’ve never googled so many bugs in my life. Often, a customer would send in pictures of one to us, or would wonder what a certain bug looked like. So, we google bugs…a lot. 
• Often, when on the phone with a customer, we would need to tell each other things. We would do this by quickly muting the phone while the customer was talking, talk really fast to a co-worker, and unmute the phone in time to reply.

I could talk to my coworkers about funny and serious things going on in my life, and also in theirs. We had some touching heart to hearts. I think one of the best things about our group is how diverse we are. We all have different backgrounds and life stories, but there is a special bond between us.

My job doesn't quite fit in with my busy school schedule, it makes me so sad! It's hard to think of not seeing the girls every day. Luckily, the plan is to work some Saturdays and go back next summer. It's something I'm looking forward to!

It was so hard to get everyone together, because the phone kept
ringing! Also, we were missing a few, but we tried to get as
many as possible!

Jordan had heard a lot about these girls, it was fun to get a picture
to show him. My mom took this when she came and visited.

August 16: My Blogging Birthday!

Today is my blogging birthday! My blog is one year old! Of course I started to think about why I started this blog. One thing that gave me a slight "push" was after an anxiety attack one night. I told Jordan that once I got stronger I wanted to "do something big." I remember thinking I wanted to write a book or just something to help people who are in a situation like mine. Anxiety and depression are so hard, but it becomes even harder if you don't know what it is, or if you don't have anyone to relate to. That is why I started this blog. I wanted to help other people. I'm not a genius or medical expert, but I can tell my experiences and pray that I can do a little good and be a little bit of help in the lives of others.
To read my very first posts, click here and here.
P.S. Shout out to my sister whose birthday was yesterday :)

A Wedding!

The beautiful Jordan River Temple

Last week, my dear, dear friend got married to a really nice guy (I've only met him a handful of times, but he has my approval :) ). We were lucky enough to get to attend her wedding ceremony at the Jordan River Temple and participate in her reception.
I got to thinking about all the things Erin and I have been through together. I remember the first time I met her was in the 8th grade, she had on a bumble bee costume at a birthday party. I remember her bringing a Charlie Brown coloring book to Junior High to color, and being the character called "Gus" in our cheesy (but totally awesome) 9th grade play.
We had sleepovers, laughed like little school children, and sometimes had to be told to stop talking in class in the last row of the choir room.
I remember some more serious moments, when she told us her mom had been diagnosed with cancer and the call I got months later that she had passed away.
During our first year of College, we carpooled together. A lot of the times we would ride in silence, I was dealing with my anxiety, and she was dealing with the sickness of her mother. A lot of times, we didn't have to speak, we were just there for each other.
Erin has been at BYU for the last year, so I didn't see her for months. When we got back together, it was almost like we'd never been apart. She is totally awesome.
Love you Erin! <3

The girls. Love them!

P.S. One of my favorite memories of Erin's mom was when she sang "I'm a Mean Old Witch With a Hat" to us in their front room. Complete with actions and facial expressions. A few weeks ago, Erin and I sat trying to decide what her mom must be doing in heaven these days. We decided she is being an amazing missionary.

It Has a Name

I remember where I was sitting when I gave the things that were happening inside my head a name.

We often think that things only happen to other people. That is what I thought about anxiety and depression. Other people have that...I don't. I had a wonderful life, a loving family, a great boyfriend (now my husband), a solid spiritual foundation, a job I enjoyed, and supportive friends. Why would I have depression? It didn't make sense.

I was sitting in my 1995 Toyota Corolla. I was sobbing. For some strange reason, I thought my world was falling apart. I felt like I was in a fog that I couldn't get out of. I was talking to Jordan on the phone, and I finally gave it a name. I said something along the lines of:

"It's like my mind is sick. It's like something isn't working correctly. It's like...depression."

I think I had thought it in my head before, but I had never said it out loud. It's incredible what can happen when you realize that is what it is. I am not broken, my mind is just struggling. I am not crazy, my brain is just out of balance. I will not be like this forever, I can get through it.

It still helps me to get through. Sometimes I still start to believe that I am crazy. I start to believe I can't get out of the fog. With the help of God and others, I always do. When I am able to remember that depression is something I sometimes have, it isn't who I am, I feel so much hope.

God loves us, and life is good!

That Looming Feeling...

I am having a wonderful Summer. I am really enjoying my job, working in the yard, trying to keep the house clean, and getting to spend time with my hubby, family, and friends. Evenings are free to be spent relaxing and enjoying time with loved ones. Along with the the summertime fun is the looming reminder that school starts soon. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy learning and know it will be totally worth it, I just know it comes with a lot of hard work, stress, and anxiety. This will be my last year, and the 2 semesters will be packed with hours of student teaching, preparing, planning, and homework. The thought of it is overwhelming and a bit scary. I also know I can do it. I have so much support and the results of the hard work is a diploma! I am sure there will be lots of prayers, some tears, late nights, and goals reached. Can't wait to be class of 2014!

"We Need Not Live in Fear"

I don't think it was coincidence that one of my Facebook friends decided to post this quote the other day. It was exactly what I needed to read. Isn't cool how that happens? Tender mercies.

The Lord wants to help us in our lives. He won't make our choices for us, but He will guide us if we let Him. I am learning to quiet my fears by opening my heart to the Lord and His Spirit. Sometimes fear can consume me. As I learn to breathe and trust the Lord, my fears shrink. I am not perfect at it, there are times I still get consumed, but He is teaching me how to overcome. His love is so much greater than my fears!


My sister had a baby last night! It is incredible how little people cause you to look at the world so differently. He is a sweet spirit straight from heaven. We are so grateful that he is the newest member of our family!