Math Class

During my sophomore year at Weber State University (Spring 2012 semester), I was having quite the struggle with my anxiety. It was really hard to go to school each morning. There were times I would cry in class, with my head down, hoping my classmates couldn't see. It was hard, but God sent me people to help me. One class I had was my problem solving math class. It was hard, but also a lot of fun. (I like math). On the first day of class, I sat down next to a woman who looked like she was in her thirties. We were both a little bit quiet (as many people are on the first day), but as the weeks went by, we started to talk and get to know each other. I learned about her kids, her pets, she was also a special education major, etc. We grew to be very good friends. I would enjoy seeing her each class day. I learned quickly that she was very smart and always went the extra mile on her assignments. Having a dear friend in my class made it easier to deal with my anxiety that semester. I learned that God is always looking out for us and sends us people who can help us. Thank you Michelle!

This was our textbook from the class. It is one of the few I didn't sell back because I enjoyed the class so much thanks to Michelle, my teacher, and the other people I made friends with.

Anxiety and The Killers?

The Killers are a band I was introduced to after I met my husband. At first, I was extremely skeptical. To be honest, I didn't really like them that much. Jordan loves them, so we listened to them often. The more I listened, the more I started to like them. The strangest thing was when I started to listen to them when I wasn't with Jordan. Then, I finally came to the realization that they are pretty awesome.
My favorite song by The Killers is called, "A Dustland Fairytale." There is a line I love in this song,

"And the decades disappear

like sinking ships we persevere

God gives up hope, but we still fear what we don't know."

There have been SO many times God has given me Hope. He tells me things are going to work out, He tells me things are going to be okay. I am a human, I am imperfect, and I forget these moments. I let my mind take over and I become filled with anxiety. That is one of the reasons I have decided to do this blog. Writing helps me remember everything God and my family/friends have done for me. It gives me so much hope. It reminds me I have anxiety and depression, but those things don't define who I am. Happy Sunday!

P.S. The lead singer of The Killers, Brandon Flowers, is actually a Latter-Day Saint. View his Mormon Message here.

To read about some other songs that have helped me in my journey with anxiety/depression, click here.

Anxiety in the Morning

Sometimes mornings can be rough. In "Living With a Black Dog" Matthew Johnstone says, "When you're irritable, exhausted, and brimming with self-doubt, the Black Dog [anxiety/depression] likes nothing more than to visit you in the wee hours of the morning and remind you of these things." Many mornings when I wake up, I can feel anxiety in my body (often in my legs...I know, it's weird). I used to think, "Oh great, here comes another long day." Recently I've tried to just breathe in the mornings. When I feel the anxiety in my body, I tell myself just to breathe. Usually, once I get moving and getting ready for the day, the feelings of anxiety fade, and I am able to have a great day. Last summer, my job required me to be there at six in the morning. I would often wake up feeling the anxiety all throughout me. I would just tell myself to breathe, get up, get dressed, and get going. Trying to remain positive helped so much. If you have a hard time in the mornings, know you aren't alone, and a hard or difficult morning can still lead to a good day.

Why Me?

In dealing with anxiety/depression, there have been times when I have thought, "Why me?" It can be scary to not know if you are going to be able to control your emotions at a certain point or wonder why you can't seem to think straight. It can be embarrassing to go through a panic attack or try to explain to someone how you are feeling when you don't understand it fully yourself. It can be hard to feel like you are the only one, or that you are going crazy and there is nothing you can do about it.
I realized the other day, that I think part of my anxiety may be triggered by the fact that I am so passionate about so many things. I love my family and friends, I love my religion, and I love my country. I am sometimes shy, but I am very passionate and opinionated about these things. When I feel out of control or worried someone I love is hurting, it is almost too much for me. When I let myself feel like I am not good enough, it can bring me way down.
I've thought about it, and even though I deal with anxiety and depression, I wouldn't take away my passion for the things I love in order to get rid of my struggle. I would rather have some ups and downs along the way than be an emotional stone. My passion for the things I love make me who I am. As I go through out my day, I try to remember that God knows me and He has a plan for me.

Quite possibly the most patient man in the world...and his crazy wife ;)

Vote!

I love America. I have been on pins and needles all day waiting to hear what the results of this election will be. Jordan and I discussed today that it is in God's hands now. Whoever is supposed to win will. 

God Bless America!

Malala

I work as a tutor at a nearby Junior High School. I have really been enjoying my job. On Thursday, I helped a student read an article and answer some questions about it. The article was about a young girl from Pakistan named Malala Yousufzai. She has been targeted and even shot just for speaking up about women's rights in Pakistan. As I was reading this to the student, I tried to explain to him how grateful we should be to live in America. I was touched by how seriously this student took the article and what we were talking about. He is usually a little outspoken and could be considered a "class clown," but as we were reading and talking about the article, I saw another side of him. It reminded me how grateful I am to live in America.