Monday, March 28, 2016
I Am Not Weak
A few weeks ago, I had had a good and productive day. The baby was down for the night, and I was excited to spend a relaxing evening with my husband. Then, something happened that triggered an anxiety attack for me. I feel anxious multiple times everyday, but this was a little more intense. Luckily, with the coping strategies I have learned, it didn't get out of control, but I was upset it happened at all. It kind of ruined my "relaxing evening." I had planned on doing several things, but my evening turned into solely focusing on my breathing so I could keep my anxiety under control.
I was a bit angry. "Why can't I control this?" "I was looking forward to tonight, and now I'm miserable." "I'm so weak."
Luckily, as I said earlier, it didn't progress too far and I woke up the next morning feeling good.
A few nights later, a similar thing happened. I was looking forward to a relaxing evening, but then I had a horrible head ache that turned into a migraine. It was not a fun evening, but it was missing one thing. I wasn't beating myself up or calling myself "weak" for getting a migraine.
Why do I get angry with myself for having anxiety? Why do I see it as a character flaw? The truth is, it isn't. I don't think less of myself for getting a migraine, so I shouldn't get upset with myself when I have an anxiety attack. The anxiety attack changed my plans that night and it upset me, but a stomach ache, head ache, or the flu could do the same thing. I don't look down on myself for getting physically ill, so I shouldn't belittle myself when I have a hard time mentally.
I have truly gotten so much better at working with and through my anxiety attacks. There have been several times I have worked through an attack and realized that, a little while ago, that same attack would've been a much bigger deal and lasted a lot longer.
I'm learning to work through my anxiety. I'm also learning to not get angry with myself for the time it takes to do this. Heavenly Father helps me to do this everyday.