This week was good, but also had anxiety sneaking in on the edges. A few evenings ago, I got upset about something my husband, Jordan, said. I knew he had in no way meant to upset me or hurt my feelings, and I didn't know how to handle the situation. My brain became cloudy, the cloud that takes sense away from my head and tells me I am not worth much. He could see that I was upset and that I wasn't able to talk about it for the moment. He had to leave for work, (about a dozen or so times a year he works a night job) so he kissed me and told me he loved me.
After he left, I fell apart. I cried and cried. I felt frustrated that I couldn't control my emotions better, upset that I was so flustered by such a small thing, and felt my self-esteem, confidence, and hope sink to the floor. I prayed that the Lord could send me some comfort and cried a little more. Then I had an idea to write Jordan a letter. It made sense, so I poured out my soul on one and a half sheets of college ruled paper. I told him what had upset me and why. I explained some of what was going on in my head and why I was unable to talk about it when he had left. I expressed my love for him. When I finished writing the letter, I felt so much better. It cleared my head. I was grateful I could put my emotions on paper and find a way to help Jordan understand me a little bit better.
Soon after I finished the letter, I received a text from him that said, "Don't forget about me while I am gone!" When he got home I was so happy to see him and he read my letter. We were able to talk about it and get everything resolved. Even though I had gone through a slight panic attack, I was so proud that, with some help from above, I was able to pull through it and get back on my feet. I am grateful for my Jordan and his patience with me and my anxiety.