Breathing

For some reason, the last few days I have had to remind myself to just breathe. Sometimes it just happens. I start to remind myself of all the things I'm not perfect at, the things I could improve on and I get overwhelmed. I get stressed and start to feel myself close off.
I try to remind myself just to breathe. That's the only thing I needto do. Just breathe.
Life is good!

Life's Little Anxiety Moments

Anxiety is a very serious thing, but if I'm being honest, there can be some humor found in it. I thought I would share today some of the silly things that sometimes cause me to feel some anxiety...

1. When my cell phone is almost dead. Seriously, that little tiny red mark on the battery does it to me every time.

2. When that little orange light comes on. Maybe if gas was 25 cents a gallon this wouldn't be so stressful!

 3. A sink full of dishes. AHHH! I don't like doing dishes, but I don't like a full sink even more.

4. Traffic. Need I say more? Especially if my cell phone is almost dead and my tank is almost empty.

5. Weeds. Why? Why can't all plants be flowers and trees?

While there are many big and small things that give me anxiety, I have come to learn that tanks get full, gardens get weeded, and intersections clear up. 

Living With a Black Dog: Part 3

Every time I read this book by Matthew Johnstone, I am amazed at the accuracy the author has in describing exactly how depression can cause you to feel. A page that hit me today says,

"People who've had a Black Dog in their lives often say that in retrospect, 'the Dog' probably had been sniffing around for a long time. They just didn't have the understanding and knowledge to give it a name."

It took me a long time to realize what was going on in my life. Depression was one of those things that only happened to "other people." I didn't think it was something that could happen to me. When I realized what it was, my world began to change. It didn't make it go away, but it helped me to understand it and realize I wasn't broken (even though I felt like it).
I was scared to realize I had depression. There are so many unknowns and things that are hard to understand. I guess that is why I talk and blog about it. Expressing my experiences and hearing about the things others have been through helps me to understand it better.
What I have learned is that depression and anxiety are a part of my life at times, but they do not define me.

Read parts one and two of "Living With a Black Dog"

Questions about taking medicine for anxiety/depression? I had them too, read about it here.

Musical Number...Part 2

This song is so good, I had to split it into a couple of different parts to make sure I felt I had given it justice. (To read Part 1 click here.)

The chorus of the song goes like this,

"He knew there'd be moments when no earthly words

Could take away your sorrow

And no human eyes could see what you're going through

When you've taken your last step and done all that you can do

He will lift your heavy load and carry you."

Anxiety and depression can be hard because a lot of times you can't tell someone is going through it on the outside. If you were physically sick, you would have people asking how you are feeling or bringing you "Get well!" cards, but when you are mentally sick, there may be very few or even no people who know your situation. Further still, many people (not because of a fault of their own) don't understand anxiety and depression. They may think you are just going through a phase or that it is "all in your head."
This song reminds me that Jesus understands. Even when it seems like nothing on earth can help, Jesus can.

Musical Number Part 1

Last Monday, a sister in my church asked me if I would play the piano for a musical number she was doing for our Sunday meeting. At first, I was thinking I couldn't do it, we don't own a piano yet, and I am working two jobs for the next couple of weeks. I found out that the song was all in the key of C (no sharps or flats), so I decided I could probably do it without hours and hours practice.

The song was, "He'll Carry You" by Hilary Weeks. As I played it and listened to this sister sing, the song touched my heart in so many ways. The first verse goes like this... 

"He knows your heart

He knows your pain

He knows the strength it took just to simply breathe today

He sees the tears that you cry

He knows your soul is aching to know why

He hears your prayers, each humble word

When you said you couldn't face another day he understood

He knows the path that you will find

Though you felt alone He's never left your side."

The line, 'He knows the strength it took just to simply breathe today,' especially hit home with me. When I was in the depths of anxiety and depression, just breathing was a huge accomplishment. Sometimes I tell myself that is all I have to do for a few minutes, "All you have to do is breathe."

There were times I felt completely alone, but I know He never left my side.

God Bless

Ever since I was young I've had instilled in me a deep love for my country. Events like what happened in Boston yesterday make my soul ache. It is beyond any of my understanding why anyone would choose to deliberately put other people in such pain.

On my way to school yesterday, the country radio station I was listening to played, "God Bless the U.S.A." as a dedication to those suffering in Boston. As I drove to school today, I saw a beautiful, huge American flag flying at half mast. I watched it blow in the wind and now, I think about all the things that have happened to make it possible for that flag to be there. Many wars, Presidents, laws, disagreements, speeches, and tragedies. 

After a tragedy like yesterday, some might be tempted to ask, "Does that star spangled banner still wave?"

It does, at half mast at times, but it keeps waving "o'er the land of the free and the home of the brave." 

  Our prayers are with those in Boston. God Bless the U.S.A.

Remembering to Not Freak Out

I started training for a new job last Wednesday at a Pest Control Company. It has been a really good experience and I have met some of the nicest people. Each day, I've had a moment when I feel like I can't do it. I am learning a TON of new information, and sometimes it feels like my brain is going to explode. I start to convince myself that I can't do it and I never will be able to. Watching my co-workers who have been there for a long time, it can get discouraging. They are so good at what they do!
While it has been difficult and there have been a few times I have wanted to run home (literally, it's really close to my house), I am so grateful for this experience. My new co-workers are very kind people and I am glad I know them. They are very patient with me as I am in this learning stage. I am making progress (even if it's slow) and they are so encouraging.
The other amazing thing is how perfectly this job is fitting in with my schedule and how flexible they are to work with me. I have quite a bit on my plate right now with home, work, and school responsibilities. Even though it is new and sometimes scary, I find it exciting. I can't wait to improve. I continue to remind myself not to freak out.

FYI: The LDS General Conference is this weekend. It's seriously one of my favorite times of the year. For more information click here.