Dad

Baby Chelsea and Dad

When we had family members who were very sick with anxiety and depression, my dad was our rock. Even though it was an extremely hard time, I have good memories of things my dad did for our family. For a few months we always had fresh flowers in the kitchen. He brought color and happiness to our lives with those flowers. In our family, Dole juice was a special treat. For those few hard months, there was always Dole juice in the fridge. My dad was working full-time at work and full-time at home to try and keep things running smoothly. He taught me the true meaning of sticking with your loved ones through anything and everything. Thanks Daddy, I love you!

You Aren't Broken

Like one of my favorite Christmas movies says, It is a Wonderful Life. Life is wonderful, but there are times when life can be almost unbearable. There are many reasons life can be hard: Anxiety, depression, loss of a loved one, loneliness, and the list goes on. I am here to tell you that you aren't broken if, for some reason, you are sad this Christmas season. Because Christmas is so wonderful, if you are experiencing some sort of pain, it can make it so hard to go through. Thoughts of previous Christmas's when things were easier can come to mind, you may feel you are never going to feel better. I hope you believe me when I tell you that it is okay to be sad sometimes. Don't beat yourself up if you are having a hard time this Christmas. I am also here to tell you not to give up. If you are having a difficult Christmas season, look forward to the Christmas's to come when you are feeling better. A hard Christmas doesn't mean every Christmas will be that way. I heard this song on the radio the other day, and it touched my heart. I pray it may touch yours too. Broken Hearts Like Mine By: Cherie Call It was right around this time of year, not too long ago That was when I heard the news that he wasn't coming home. Now there's just something about this holiday that just tears me up inside But Jesus was born, and He lived, and He died for broken hearts like mine. I see the gifts and the Christmas trees, and I don't think these things are wrong. I just don't want to break down under all these lights, so I still can't sing the songs. Because the melodies turn to memories, and the only peace on earth I find Is knowing Jesus was born, and He lived, and He died for broken hearts like mine. I can feel the tenderness of friends who care I can see the children playing everywhere I just try to fade into the scenery 'Cause everyone is meant to be Christmas-ing. I am not homeless or alone or poor Sometimes I'm content to be ignored But that doesn't mean that I don't believe  Believing is what saves me in times like these. Jesus was born in a stable, so He must know how it can be Sometimes I feel like this holiday doesn't have a place for me. But when it's all I can do just to make it through this bittersweet Christmastime I remember Jesus was born and He lived and He died For broken hearts like mine. I'll be singing once again, I just need a little time. I'm thankful that Jesus was born, and He lived and He died For broken hearts like mine. Merry Christmas!!

Life Stories

I was reminded today how important it is to serve other people. I find it intriguing that every person has a life story. Every person we see has had moments in their lives that would make you laugh, cry, and everything in between. God tells us not to judge other people because we don't know all their life's stories.
I was reminded at church today that the Spirit can lead us to help people in ways we wouldn't know ourselves. Because God knows all of our life stories, He can guide us to help people who need to know they are important and loved.
God has lead people to help me in my times of depression and anxiety. It amazes me how much He loves us and how personal He is. If you feel it is right for you, pray that God will lead you to someone, anyone, who you could touch. Many times, God answers prayers by asking His children to serve their spiritual brothers and sisters.

I Love Lucy

If you allowed me to watch 30 seconds of any part of any I Love Lucy episode, I am confident I could tell you which episode it was, quote several lines from it, and tell you exactly how the episode ends. I have watched every episode of I Love Lucy many times. Lucille Ball's comedy is timeless.
This may sound funny to say, but Lucy has helped my family a lot. When some of my family members were extremely sick because of anxiety and depression, Lucy was always on our TV. The comedy helped us through hard days. It helped us focus on positive things. Sometimes with anxiety and depression, you need a break to step outside your mind and good comedy can do that for you.
I am not telling you to hide from your problems by watching TV, or to watch TV all day. All I am saying is sometimes when nothing else will help, some good comedy can.
There might come time in your life when your anxiety and depression will become very prevalent. A good friend of mine who has also been through anxiety/depression said when she remarked on our constant Lucy watching, "Sometimes that is all you can do, and that's okay."

Math Class

During my sophomore year at Weber State University (Spring 2012 semester), I was having quite the struggle with my anxiety. It was really hard to go to school each morning. There were times I would cry in class, with my head down, hoping my classmates couldn't see. It was hard, but God sent me people to help me. One class I had was my problem solving math class. It was hard, but also a lot of fun. (I like math). On the first day of class, I sat down next to a woman who looked like she was in her thirties. We were both a little bit quiet (as many people are on the first day), but as the weeks went by, we started to talk and get to know each other. I learned about her kids, her pets, she was also a special education major, etc. We grew to be very good friends. I would enjoy seeing her each class day. I learned quickly that she was very smart and always went the extra mile on her assignments. Having a dear friend in my class made it easier to deal with my anxiety that semester. I learned that God is always looking out for us and sends us people who can help us. Thank you Michelle!

This was our textbook from the class. It is one of the few I didn't sell back because I enjoyed the class so much thanks to Michelle, my teacher, and the other people I made friends with.

Anxiety and The Killers?

The Killers are a band I was introduced to after I met my husband. At first, I was extremely skeptical. To be honest, I didn't really like them that much. Jordan loves them, so we listened to them often. The more I listened, the more I started to like them. The strangest thing was when I started to listen to them when I wasn't with Jordan. Then, I finally came to the realization that they are pretty awesome.
My favorite song by The Killers is called, "A Dustland Fairytale." There is a line I love in this song,

"And the decades disappear

like sinking ships we persevere

God gives up hope, but we still fear what we don't know."

There have been SO many times God has given me Hope. He tells me things are going to work out, He tells me things are going to be okay. I am a human, I am imperfect, and I forget these moments. I let my mind take over and I become filled with anxiety. That is one of the reasons I have decided to do this blog. Writing helps me remember everything God and my family/friends have done for me. It gives me so much hope. It reminds me I have anxiety and depression, but those things don't define who I am. Happy Sunday!

P.S. The lead singer of The Killers, Brandon Flowers, is actually a Latter-Day Saint. View his Mormon Message here.

To read about some other songs that have helped me in my journey with anxiety/depression, click here.

Anxiety in the Morning

Sometimes mornings can be rough. In "Living With a Black Dog" Matthew Johnstone says, "When you're irritable, exhausted, and brimming with self-doubt, the Black Dog [anxiety/depression] likes nothing more than to visit you in the wee hours of the morning and remind you of these things." Many mornings when I wake up, I can feel anxiety in my body (often in my legs...I know, it's weird). I used to think, "Oh great, here comes another long day." Recently I've tried to just breathe in the mornings. When I feel the anxiety in my body, I tell myself just to breathe. Usually, once I get moving and getting ready for the day, the feelings of anxiety fade, and I am able to have a great day. Last summer, my job required me to be there at six in the morning. I would often wake up feeling the anxiety all throughout me. I would just tell myself to breathe, get up, get dressed, and get going. Trying to remain positive helped so much. If you have a hard time in the mornings, know you aren't alone, and a hard or difficult morning can still lead to a good day.